Well, I talked today in school. I don't like it though. It tires me out so easily now. It takes everything I got just to hold up a simple conversation. mrs. hennesey said I was comatose but barely audible today and I started cracking up because thats a line from "good to know if i ever need attention all i have to do is die". She didn't get it...
And, okay, I finally figured it out. I'm afraid to be happy. I dont know how. I dont remember it either. I remember happy, when I was 5. Young and naive. But now that I am not as young, and not so naive, I dont know how to get happy. Mary is going to consouling soon, and if the shrink is any good she said she'll let me know. Maybe a little therapy will help, who knows?
oh yes, you know what my dad said yesterday? He goes, " good job keri, just as I thought you were going off the edge with weirdness, you come back to me". gee, THANKS DAD. The truth is, I kinda like it better when I'm "off the edge". I like it when I'm " too weird to handle". I like it when my mind burns and my heart aches. I like feeling overwhelmed with any kind of emotion. I just like feeling. Maybe thats why I dont know how to be happy. With happy, you are in general, content with yourself. I dont think I ever will be content with myself. I dont think I'll ever like mirrors, or pictures of me, or reflections. I'd live better if I was living deep inside a forest with just animals and rain. That's more of my level. Happy people deserve good things. Sad people deserve nothing. And thats just what I've got.
heh. I was planning on doing the rocky horror picture show lips. But I didnt want to bite my bottom lip while focusing. Lazy bastard.
I finally got the picture of that heart on my hand.
When will this end? theres just TOO MUCH OF NOTHING.
all lies,no love,